Dating Advice From Happily Married Couples
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And we’re back with even more tips for newlyweds on how to fight, how to communicate and why being stubborn and competitive can actually be a good thing for your union. The advice comes from happily married husbands and wives who have been married anywhere from 12 years to 42 years. Obviously, they know what their doing. Keep reading to find out their secrets!
“My Bride and I remarry in a different state or country every year. Number 16 was this year. We have learned that most people want out of their marriage or they try to just hang on and survive. What is the point? We wanted to live happily ever after and we do! We have never had a fight, we respect each other too much to act that way. The spark is kept alive by our remarriages every year and the way we treat each other every day.” – Evan Money, married 16 years
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“I have learned that your marriage HAS to be a priority—ahead of kids, ahead of work, ahead of everything. The best way to fight is fighting fair. [As a licensed marriage and family therapist] the hardest thing I find to get couples to do is take a break when they are worked up. Taking a break is hard, but it avoids words or behaviors that you can’t take back.” – Crystal Clancy, married 12 years
“Our Motto: anywhere, anytime, only you – has kept us going strong for almost 25 years. Take the good with the bad. Laugh when you’re happy. Cry when you’re sad. Scream and throw eggs chasing him down the street when you’re angry. Have water gun fights—just because—clothing optional!” – Lisa Thornton, married 24 years
“I still feel like a honeymooner. My husband makes me feel like the most important woman on the planet—and I do the same for him. By appreciating each other and not taking each other for granted, our marriage is going strong. I’ve learned that not going to bed angry is not just a saying, it’s a good way to live. We really don’t fight very often. When we do, one of us will apologize and we move on. The spark is alive because we genuinely like each other.” – Lisa Ryan, married 16 years
“First is to know how to communicate. With it comes risk, vulnerability, sharing, openness, and trust. Of course, both partners need to be willing to expose themselves to all of these. There are several approaches to fighting. All of them demand that the partners agree to implement the same style.” – Ralph Alterowitz, married 29 years
“My husband and I just celebrated our 14th anniversary. It’s a second marriage for both of us and we were determined not to make the mistakes we made in our first marriages. No marriage is 50-50. You approach every decision from a win-win mindset. This sounds stupid but don’t fight when you’re angry—you’ll say hurtful things that can never be taken away. To keep the spark alive, take good care of yourself. Feel good about yourself. Love yourself. Stay focused on what made you fall in love with this person. Be honest about what you love about them physically. Speak lovingly as much as you can (that doesn’t mean talk ‘dirty,’ it means be kind, give compliments). Touch each other often. Hold hands. Kiss. Hug. And be as physically and emotionally close as you can.” – Winnie Anderson, married 14 years
“Keeping the spark alive for over a decade isn’t as hard as you might think. Yes, it requires effort, but you have to have been your own person BEFORE the marriage in order for you to still be your own person AFTER you are married. Keep your pre-marriage interests and activities. Share them with your spouse if you can, but each of you deserves and needs ‘alone’ time. Time without your spouse can make you stronger, help enhance your core personality and your positive traits, and help you develop strength that you may not have known you possessed.” –Dianne Daniels, married 22 years
“We play a game: ‘I can be nicer to you than you are to me.’ When you lose, you win. Right now my husband is winning—so I win! Many people are competitive and try to outdo others in a tit-for-tat manner. This way it just gets better and better. You must be stubborn enough to stick to the decision to stay married. We have had rough patches but we worked them out.” – Wendy Stout, married 42 years